Parent with Grace

This blog has been on my heart for the better part of nine months. I never knew where or how to start. I have constantly been putting it into prayer like "Lord, place the words on my heart that you want people to hear". So here I am after months in prayer and hoping what is in my heart can be transcribed into good and helpful information. Disclaimer, I am no doctor, this is all observation and a mother's point of view.

As I have mentioned before we have three sons. I suspected our oldest son Logan had ADHD from a young age. However, we never went for an evaluation because it was never an issue in school.  On top of which if they had prescribed medication at the time I don't know with his age if we would have been comfortable with that. This was way before we had Cash, so I had no idea what an IEP was.  Looking back that could have been helpful. But like I said school was not an issue in those elementary years. Within the first thirty days of middle school starting his behavior was getting him in trouble. And so began a long and grueling process to get us to where we are today. Which is four years later. 

The first wave of evaluation was a wash because with all my data combined with his afternoon teachers (because anyone who knows a little about ADHD knows by afternoon these kids are done) came out to him definitely having ADHD. However, with the morning teacher's data that was not the case the information didn't align. I knew he was struggling so we redid the evaluation. However, as any parent knows these things can take time. So, we went all through sixth grade with no diagnosis. Seventh grade started and as we were making head way on it and the world shut down, March 2020 and then the real trouble began. School online for this kid was a nightmare. Grades went way low. Work was not getting done. Obviously, evaluations were not happening. By the third marking period we got the diagnosis, and we had a 504 plan in action, and we were satisfied. Until we realized it wasn't enough for him. Without going too far down the rabbit hole fast forward to present Logan is a sophomore with a solid team and IEP in place. This kid went from d's and f's to C's.  With that being said if you have a kid who might be struggling, don't stop fighting for them. This IEP has been a game changer for Logan. 

Now the point of the little history on Logan's background was to set up a little comparison between autism and ADHD. One of the hardest things I've had to hear from people who are trying to be nice and identify with us about Cash's autism is "My kid has ADD, I totally know what you're going through. Um, sorry no you don't. I can confidently say this because we aren't only living with both, but we are raising them as well. Are there similarities between the two, yes. They are both neurodevelopmental disorders. ADHD is hyperactivity and inattention. However, autism is more social challenges and repetitive behaviors. And when you put both in the same household you get brothers who love each other, but also can have a hard time being around each other because of the different challenges they have. If I'm being honest seeing Logan's struggle with his ADHD and high anxiety can be harder to watch. Because unfortunately he is painfully aware of his situation. I watch this kid battle everyday with daily tasks that are easy for the rest of us, but for him is just a downright struggle. As a six almost seven-year-old living with autism for now Cash is very happy and unaware of his differences. And that's okay today.

As parents the hardest thing is to watch is your kids struggle. First thing every morning I ask God to hold all three of my boys tight and keep them safe. Then I ask God to continue to give Brook and I the strength and patience to keep raising these boys up in faith and love. And when people want to know how we handle it all, I go right to John 1:16 "In his fullness we have received grace upon grace". I recently had part of that verse tattooed on my wrist. Grace upon grace. In times of sadness, anger, in patience I can look at that and remember not only to give myself grace, but others as well.

Ill conclude this with a little story behind the picture that is posted with this blog. Last weekend Logan, myself, and Cash went to New Jersey to say goodbye to my aunt and Uncle who are retiring to Georgia. Cole stayed back to attend a birthday party. He's thirteen I get it. It was an awesome weekend filled with family, a little cold beach and boardwalk time. And some brother arcade bonding. Being really present with no distractions I had a couple realizations. They both require a different kind of attention. They both need to know what's happening next to make them feel safe and comfortable. They both love family time and each other very much. I'm thankful for our little impromptu trip. It helped me be more aware of their needs. Grateful for Gods continuing grace in a hard season. "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand." Isiah 41:10